BATHROOM TALK

Gentlemen, does the following scene looks familiar? You, your wife (or girl-friend) and a few other couples are sitting in a restaurant. At one point your wife excuses herself to use the washroom! This is the secret code for all the other ladies to get up, grab their bags and follow your wife into the sacred chamber – never to be seen again!

Washroom

Have you ever wandered why it takes us so long to return? Ever wandered what’s going on behind closed doors? (for educational purposes only,- no kinky stuff please).

I have a good idea what we are doing in there. Just this afternoon I read an article about the popularity of washrooms in restaurants and bars – and apart from the occassional drug user, it’s all harmless stuff!

Guys, let me be your fly on the wall in a female washroom: fly

As soon as we enter a bathroom, we women turn them into our social network lounges! Have you noticed, we love to chat! We chat waiting in line for a vacant cubicle, we chat when we are inside the cubicle. We might even chat to the stranger in the space next to us. If needed, we exchange toiletpaper through the gap with the woman on the other side of the wall.

The one thing we don’t do, we don’t poop- in plain men talk it means, fart! We rather explode than letting it rip!

When we leave our stall we gossip, apply a new layer of lipstick, add more powder to the face, comb our hair, chat some more! We wash and dry our hands long and thoroughly. By the end of our visit we have made a few more friends!

I asked Dominic what he does when he goes to the bathroom. He looks at me, raises his eyebrow and said:”Nothing!” ( he thinks: dumb question, what do you expect me to do?)  Literally, he walks in, does his business, washes his hands (???) and walks out. Now I get it, that’s why there is never a queue in front of the WC for men –  you unsocial creatures you!

See ya tomorrow for day 6 of my 22 day challenge!

WHEN It’s HARD to be a WOMAN

On day three of my 22 – day challenge I want to enlighten and delighten you about the most frustrating ‘thing’ we women face on a more or less regular basis!

If you think I am referring to                                                                                              Our daily shower-shave-make-up routine,  Finding yet another excuse not to have sex (“I don’t feel like it” is a statement, – not an excuse), – Getting our period whilst out and about, wearing white pants, – Getting a flat tire in the middle of nowhere and realizing: Dad has forgotten to show us how to change one of these, or Learning that getting pregnant is easier than raising children, please think again!

All these above are slight inconveniences – they come with the territory of being a woman! No, what I am refering to is the agonizing, time consuming quest to shop for the perfect dress!

Nothing, absolutely nothing compares to the fruitless outcome of wandering through the mall, visiting one shop after the other, trying on countless items and still come home empty handed. You have the vision in your head, you have the money, and still can’t find what you came for.

My fashionable Self at the beginning of my quest   C.Waschko

My fashionable Self at the beginning of my quest C.Waschko

I’ve done the mall walk many times over, this time I went to Value Village instead- at least their dresses won’t shrink or fade anymore!

A fun shop for all of us who like a good challenge!  C. Waschko

A fun shop for all of us who like a good challenge! C. Waschko

At my age (younger than Madonna, older than Nicole Kidman) I prefer to shop for something that suits me rather than what is in fashion.  My body type (taller than, but less trim and muscular than Madonna, more toned than Nicole) calls for a dress that ends above the knee. If you have short legs, anything below the knee makes them look even shorter.

This one is too long, with the wrong pattern   C.Waschko

This one is too long, the wrong pattern.    C.Waschko

This one is too short, need a tan first     C. Waschko

This one is too short, need a tan first                               C. Waschko

I love sleeveless outfits – then I notice my upper arms are more flabby than “normal” these days. Ok, no sleeveless for me today. Something low cut is pretty cool too- but only if you can fill out the cleavage bit! Here again, this one comes off the list. I like a slim cut, not a tight fit! The difference between figure hugging and tight is choosing between looking like a pro or a sausage – here we go again, we are back to sausages!

Nice one... for somebody else!   C.Waschko

Nice one… for somebody else! C.Waschko

What about colours or patterns?  This is another, all too serious matter altogether. As a matter of fact I know, green, brown or lilac doesn’t suit me, vertical stripes make us look fat. One of my favourite colours is blue- the problem is, I own way too many shades of blue already!

How difficult is it to find a good fitting, half sleeve, knee length dress with a round neck? Very! I couldn’t find it at Value Village either!

Dear husbands, boy-friends or partners of sorts, do you see how difficult it is for a woman to find the perfect something? (not you, the dress)!

The next time your respected spouse comes home with her new outfit please give her a hug, pay her a compliment and don’t look at the price tag! Most likely she went through hell finding what she came home with!

I will see ya’ tomorrow!

NETWORKING the OLD FASHIONED WAY

I unleashed the beast – aka myself! The mission of  controlled exposure has begun. So far I had no dinner, late dinners or rushed dinners on a daily basis. Our youngest son got early good night kisses from me because his mad mother was off networking, socializing and spreading the good news of her arrival around the lower mainland area!

Along the trip I met some amazing women- and they all know about my book now! Yes, I still do it the old fashioned way, I mingle and talk about my project face to face. For the cyber exposure I need to get myself an IT marketing guru. For now, personal contact has to be enough!. Let me give you a quick account of what happened.

Monday: I met with a couple who tempted me with a brilliant business opportunity – in my own time, with fantastic monetary rewards! Of course I went, how can I say no to ‘brilliant?’ Dominic smelled multilevel marketing from a mile away! But I went anyway, just to prove him wrong.

Do I need to spill it out? Dominic was right (as usual). Yes it was multilevel marketing; and no, I am not interested in selling insurance (of all things) to my new friends.

Verdict: Petrol money and time wasted! I gave them my card, but they didn’t look like a couple who would enjoy a good read about ‘mother-preneurialship’. They love their network-insurance-marketing too much! Serves me right- why did I fall for that cheesy éasy money’pich anyway!

Tuesday: Monthly meeting of Golden Ears Writers club! Now, this is more my cup of tea. This presentation was all about the right and wrongs of writing for magazines!

Verdict: Time well spent! Bonus point, I connected with the presenter, a successful writer!

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Wednesday: Meet-Up group in White Rock to LoveLaughInspire! The location itself was a bit out of my way, – but the reward was / is fantastic! See, good things come to those who will travel…(I just made that up). White Rock definately offered their best; it became a night to remember! We spent an evening of laughter, fun filled , deep and meaningful conversations together! The ladies even bought my book!

Verdict: Petrol money and time well spent!

Thursday: Heart Link Network group here at our local community! Guess whom I sat next to on the couch? An independant consultant from the same insurance company I mentioned above! It’s a small world after all!  Meeting her made me laugh, there must be a lots of unhappy folks out there in need of a new or different insurance!  To tell you the truth, it wasn’t as heartfelt and warm as on Wednesday; this was a business group, not an inspiring, loving, laughing meet-up. Nevertheless, we laughed and we shared our stories. It was as interesting as on Wednesday, just more business like! Now I know what mothers do in their free time, e.g. they design jewellery, they heal, they organize homes, they consult on colours, they design wegpages or they work with multilevel marketing companies… the list goes non!

Verdict: Time well spent and yes, they know about my book now, Here are the extra bonuses: I will get a free make-over on Monday from one of the Mary Kay ladies and won myself two tickets for a fun, glam Oscar night at our local arts studio! Ladies, I will be back!

Friday: The choices for today are a) watching 24 on tv or b) watching the musical 9 to 5 at Garibaldi High School. All I need to do is decide where to meet more innocent people I can talk to about my book!

imagesCADMIM71

 

ROLLER DERBY ANYBODY?

The message on my phone read:

“Hey crazy ladies, who wants to roller derby? Just saw an mssg. that they are looking for newbies and having an open house tonight. Just think about the outfits.”

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The last sentence was all I needed to know to sell this outing to me.

As far as I remember, Teutons don’t do roller derby- we watch that spectacle on TV, if at all. Mind you, the last time I checked was 25 year ago, a thing or two might have changed since then.

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Our Ridge crew left with high expectations for the introduction night ahead. Our husbands had even higher ones. They already pictured themselves, beer can in hand, cheering on sweaty, gorgeous, fighting women (their wives)! Nothing better than a good derby fight on rollerblades to put the man in a good mood!

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We wanted to see busty Amazon women in fancy, shiny, flimsy outfit! We wanted a fantasy come true, – the one where normal women escape motherhood and turn into sexy, rolling vixen! We expected ‘butch’, we experienced a heartfelt welcome.

Round and round we went on our borrowed equipment- the last time I stood on these babies was 37 years ago- nowadays I skate on inliners. Yes, I go with the times.

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At the end of the evening we chickened out- and not because we got dizzy going around or got bored rolling around in circles. We watched the scrimmage and knew straight away, this is not for us. The team was pushing, falling, overtaking each other, taking the corners on squeaky wheels. They sure looked competent, forceful and seemed to have fun. The girls knew what they were doing, they already put in long hours of practice!

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All of us decided we don’t want to get hurt, therefore we are out of the picture! We are wimps, with a capital W. We see ourselves as head of our family- any broken bones on our body and this whole, fine oiled institution called family will stop functioning- or so we think.

In our own world we are tough, macho mothers, protecting castle, kids and dogs. If you make us roll around on these devices our facade will crumble. We are vulnerable, no thank you. We prefer to keep the illusion alive. And yes, call us sissies!

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We decided to find a good old-fashioned roller disco somewhere around here, with disco ball and funky tunes. Here we will go around in circles again, but without the fear of getting slammed against the wall!

 

 

There Is No Such Thing as a Boring JOB –

 It is you who is boring!

Tony Robbins said this!

A very long time ago I heard him speaking about the connection between a positive                                                       attitude and enjoyment at work:   “We are in charge of our own job satisfaction and enjoyment at work.”                                                                                                                                                                                            I believe him!  Therefore, his pearls of wisdom have been my credo for at least two decades;                                                a mantra to get me through some mind numbing tasks.                                                                                                           As you  know, fame and fortune hasn’t come by – yet!                                                                                                                 The summer job is over and I decided to fill up my bank account doing part time                                                                       work as a “Brand Ambassador”.

On Sunday I represented a well-known Canadian drugs company who offers a                                                                     supplement line for women during’ different stages in their lives’!

Where: A well known Canadian Drugstore                                                                                                                                    Location:   Coquitlam                                                                                                                                                            Time:   Sunday morning 10-2pm                                                                                                                                        Weather condition: Rainy, cold and miserable                                                                                                               Task: To raise awareness among the female shoppers for these supplements!

Equipped with my fold-up demonstration table, the store manager                                                                                         positioned me at the corner of the vitamin isle – but somehow I ended up                                                                                  stuck in between the ‘magic-touch nail dryer’ and the new line of gift stockings.

I had nine products on offer and a savings initiative of adding 2000 points to the                                                        customer’s shoppers- savings card if they purchase one of the supplements.                                                                       (Canadians love their bonus points! They redeem them for ‘free ‘stuff later on!)

I don’t  know if it was the weather, the time of day or the day itself, but hardly                                                                            anybody was around during my 4-hour shift.                                                                                                                        Especially the vitamin aisle was deserted for the longest time!

All in all, I feared the worse: Boredom might set in!  Four hours can be a                                                                             very long time if you have nobody to talk to.The voice of Tony became alive in                                                                      my head: “There is no such thing as a boring job. It is up to you to make it interesting!”

I  memorized nine different instruction lists, the main ingredient lists and                                                                          benefits of these nine supplement bottles.  I was so focused and so keen to put my                                                                  knowledge to the test that the first question of the day totally caught me off guard:                                                                   “Where do I find the umbrellas please?”

My product line is designed to help women to get through the first                                                                                        signs of menopause, helps to relieve symptoms of PMS, enhances sexual desire,                                                                   promotes healthy hair, skin & nails to name a few.                                                                                                               That meant, any men wandering down the aisle were rendered ‘unsuitable’ due to their gender alone.

The few teenage girls I saw were still too young to worry about                                                                                             “abnormal cell growth in their breasts”.

The ladies of desirable age let me knew that                                                                                                                          ‘they were swallowing way too many pills already’. Or, they knew exactly                                                                               which brand they were looking for and didn’t want to switch                                                                                                  from the known to the unknown.

If I didn’t want to experience job boredom and render to the                                                                                                     fact that I am boring, I had to come up with a rescue plan:                                                                                                          I changed my approached and abandoned my post at the                                                                                        vitamin/supplement aisle and moved to the front of the store.                                                                                                Positioned at the corner of ‘Beauty’ and ‘Parfumerie’ I handed                                                                                            every ‘suitable ‘woman a flyer  (“Ï know how to keep a job interesting, I am Not boring”)!

I started moving around, changing my position and finally, time went by much faster.                                                                                                                                                                                       And thank God for the elderly gentleman who needed my help to find the                                                                           chips in the long container’. Or the girl who was desperate                                                                                                          to locate digestive cookies, covered in    chocolate.                                                                                                                                                                                        It took all my imagination, creativity, sense of humour                                                                                                      and good attitude to make something extra-ordinary out of this somewhat dire situation!                                                                                                                                                                                      I fought for four hours – and I lost.  But sometimes,                                                                                                                    a woman needs to listen to herself and render to her own judgement:                                                                                         I did my best, I had a good enough time, but still, it was boring!                                                                                             Over the years I discovered that yes, sometimes tasks we are performing are boring!                                                         This is a simple fact of life!                                                                                                                                                   And, it has nothing to do with our attitude towards the job.                                                                                                            Boring is boring!  But I also discovered,                                                                                                                                     ‘doing a job can be boring, but that doesn’t mean I am boring!’

 

NO SEX IN THE SUBURBS

Written by  Miss Kitty, Suburbanville, BC, Canada

Here she is, my first guest contributor: Miss Kitty!

She is a self proclaimed expert in the field of cosmetics and beauty products! This is something I don’t know much about and therefore her assignment was simple: What are the hottest items on the market for both men and women at the moment?

But as you can read, Kitty had something else on her mind!

Happy reading!

Loss of libido is a common thing that happens to many women in long-term relationships.  Forty three percent of us have experienced this at some point in our lives. As you’re reading this right now, I’m willing to bet that the majority of you would prefer a nice glass of wine and a hot bath to a romp in the sack most nights.

Better than sex?

The question is: Why does this happen? I know that when I was in my twenties, (With far less of a hectic lifestyle) I couldn’t wait to play a game of “hide the sausage”. My sex drive was turbo charged. I thought about sex more often and was insatiable in my partner’s opinion. In fact in all of my relationships before I met my husband were like that.

So in spite of thinking that I know what has turned me off sex, why are so many other women in the same position?

Children, pre-imenopause, medication, and stress can transgress into a loss of libido while emotions are usually the culprit for younger women. When I was younger with my first real lover, he messed around with some bimbo in our parking lot. I was so angry and hurt that things were never quite the same after that. I kept analyzing all of the things about him that turned me off.

Moving forward ten years, my libido went into a complete funk after my son was born. I poured all of my emotion and affection onto him as I grew up in a very non- demonstrative family. Five years later when my daughter was born it became even worse, the thought of sex just seemed way too much of an effort and time consuming. Days were long and hectic with a full time job and having two young children. When I got home, I just wanted to relax and not have to think about pleasing another person.

When the physical side starts to fizzle in many relationships, the person who is wanting more activity in the bedroom, usually then will start lashing out, possibly having affairs, or think about leaving the relationship. Many of our couple friends in the last year split, a few had affairs, and some acquaintances even started swinging!

Not that I’m into that kind of thing, but I can only imagine that if I tried it, I’d end up with a balding guy with a ponytail and bad breath! Nope, not my bag, but it seems to work for some people! Honestly though I don’t really know the answer. Because so many women that I know in long term relationships feel the same way, I wonder if  mojo just fizzles out after seven years or so. The famous seven year itch…

Some women have had success with hormone therapy and have lit the sheets on fire once again, but am I on to something when I say that human beings just aren’t meant to be monogamous?

Signing off, Miss Kitty!

Hello again, this is Christina writing!  With this note I like to say a big “Thank You” to Kitty for sharing her ‘dilema’with us! Here is my thought: Isn’t it sad that sex in a long term relationship is the (extra-ordinary)  exception and not the norm?  Having sex should be like ageing: The older we get the better we become!? Just a thought…