ABOUT HAVING SEX vs. HAVING A REMOTE CONTROL

I never thought you hear me say this, but last Saturday these words came out of my mouth: “Honey, the kids are gone!”

It doesn’t happen very often that we have a few thousand square feet to ourselves. Apart from the space, we also had quiet and peace. We don’t use these two words often when we describe our family life!

Our first impulse was: “Let’s have sex on the kitchen table!” Our second thought was somewhat different: “It is so quiet now, let’s do our tax return!” Life can be tough – especially when you have to make a decision like this.  What shall it be, uncontrolled, sweaty sex with flying pots and pans, or filling in our returns?  You tell me, what would you have done?

In moments of indecisiveness we fall back on a tried and tested remedy, we turned on the tv. We had about two hours of undisturbed tv time ahead of us. That was enough to watch three, back -to-back episode of our current addiction ’24’- or so we thought!

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If you are young and wild and free you will most definately call us ‘boring old farts’. Ok, I can live with that. If, on the other hand, you are with your same Valentine for over 20 years and you know about bringing up children, you might nod your head in agreement!.

We planted our butts on the couches – we didn’t want to get up for at least 90 minutes! Yes, you heard me right, there is nothing better than uninterrupted tv time!  The tax man needs to wait, we can have sex another time, but not now! Let’s watch our show!

A mere 10 minutes into the story our Korean son stormed in, hungry from his afternoon on the ski slopes. That wasn’t good timing for us, because special agent Jack Bauer (the hero of 24) was on the brink to save L.A. from a nuclear bomb. Unfortunately, there is a switch in my brain which turns on whenever one of my children needs me. As the ever so compliant mother I pushed pause on the remote control and cooked dinner.

Dinner had to be quick because we couldn’t wait  to find out how Jack solved the next crisis.  We pushed start again to resume our show. Another 15 minutes later our teenager called to book his ride home via mom’s taxi service. What did I do? I pushed pause again. Not immediately I must confess, only after Jack was captured by the bad guys.

Before I even left the house, our junior called to let us know he wanted to come back home instead of staying with his friend for the planned sleep-over.

What can I say, this pause button is fantastic! While I was gone, our middle son came home from night skiing! Here we have it, we went from ‘quality tv time’ to being the pick-up service in less than one hour. Our status from ‘quiet and peaceful’ ‘changed to frantic and busy’ in less than 90 minutes!

And the morale of this story is…In the absense of children, think twice before you get all psyched up and excited about having sex. Watch tv instead, it makes more sense!  If you know for sure the coast is clear, by all means, go ahead and have sex – but only then!

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The buttons on your remote control allow you to stop, pause and re-start the action– at any time you want! Needless to say, this cannot be said about the alternative- and no, I am not talking about the tax return. Believe me; I have a story or two to tell about the interrupted, thus unfulfilled, enjoyments of the loin!.

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LOVE IS IN THE AIR

It is official: Our teenage son has a girl-friend! After weeks of speculation, casual remarks about her, several visits to her house and late night text-messaging I finally – officially – met Mystery Girl!

Good Lord, our son has taste! (He probably got that from his father…) She is gorgeous! Everything about her is long: her overall size, her hair and her legs! If this isn’t enough, she seems to be very nice, polite, fun, well brought up and well mannered! It seems to be too good to be true, but pretty and nice can go hand in hand together.

Here I am, home alone with our teenage son and his girl-friend. They went up to his room – and from then onwards, silence! What are they doing? Actually, I leave this to your imagination and mine! I did what (hopefully) every mother would have done: I avoided the upstairs – in fear of being accused to spy on them! Instead of sorting through our laundry upstairs I decided to spent a delightful afternoon on YouTube, searching for the songs which would bring back vivid memories of my first kiss, slow dance and the other innocent, but still slightly naughty things I did when I was a teenager!

What was I worried about? A stolen kiss? Or that little bit more? I don’t really know!  Our teenager is fully aware of the story with the bee and the flower (i.e. reproduction). He spent his first ten years in the Dutch school system. A system were they don’t shy away from graphic illustrations when it comes to sex education and STD.  This country has the lowest pregnancy rate among teenagers in all of Europe! Need I say more?  Honestly, I am pretty sure our son knows more about any of the dating do and don’ts than I ever knew. So if it’s not the S.. I was worried about what was it?

From now on I am the mother of a teenager who has a girl-friend! This is a new step into unknown territory for me!   Am I the only one or do you agree when I say, as a parent you have constantly new territories to conquer? On the other hand, this new job-description is another opportunity to shine as an “extra-ordinary” mother (e.g. don’t spy on them).

Finally, after I relived all my first time adventures, the laundry couldn’t wait any longer.  Hesitantly I went upstairs only to realize the couple wasn’t around after all!  At that moment I figured I had to avoid our den. But, I am only human and a woman and my curiosity got the better of me. I went downstairs.

I was prepared for hot flushes and embarrassed looks! But all I could hear was rapid gun fire (good decoy) and laughter. Here they are, in front of our TV screen:  The gorgeous girl-friend was kicking my son’s ass on the Xbox!

So much for my vivid imagination! When I was a teenager we didn’t have electronic devices! We had to entertain ourselves with different objects of desire…

NO SEX IN THE SUBURBS

Written by  Miss Kitty, Suburbanville, BC, Canada

Here she is, my first guest contributor: Miss Kitty!

She is a self proclaimed expert in the field of cosmetics and beauty products! This is something I don’t know much about and therefore her assignment was simple: What are the hottest items on the market for both men and women at the moment?

But as you can read, Kitty had something else on her mind!

Happy reading!

Loss of libido is a common thing that happens to many women in long-term relationships.  Forty three percent of us have experienced this at some point in our lives. As you’re reading this right now, I’m willing to bet that the majority of you would prefer a nice glass of wine and a hot bath to a romp in the sack most nights.

Better than sex?

The question is: Why does this happen? I know that when I was in my twenties, (With far less of a hectic lifestyle) I couldn’t wait to play a game of “hide the sausage”. My sex drive was turbo charged. I thought about sex more often and was insatiable in my partner’s opinion. In fact in all of my relationships before I met my husband were like that.

So in spite of thinking that I know what has turned me off sex, why are so many other women in the same position?

Children, pre-imenopause, medication, and stress can transgress into a loss of libido while emotions are usually the culprit for younger women. When I was younger with my first real lover, he messed around with some bimbo in our parking lot. I was so angry and hurt that things were never quite the same after that. I kept analyzing all of the things about him that turned me off.

Moving forward ten years, my libido went into a complete funk after my son was born. I poured all of my emotion and affection onto him as I grew up in a very non- demonstrative family. Five years later when my daughter was born it became even worse, the thought of sex just seemed way too much of an effort and time consuming. Days were long and hectic with a full time job and having two young children. When I got home, I just wanted to relax and not have to think about pleasing another person.

When the physical side starts to fizzle in many relationships, the person who is wanting more activity in the bedroom, usually then will start lashing out, possibly having affairs, or think about leaving the relationship. Many of our couple friends in the last year split, a few had affairs, and some acquaintances even started swinging!

Not that I’m into that kind of thing, but I can only imagine that if I tried it, I’d end up with a balding guy with a ponytail and bad breath! Nope, not my bag, but it seems to work for some people! Honestly though I don’t really know the answer. Because so many women that I know in long term relationships feel the same way, I wonder if  mojo just fizzles out after seven years or so. The famous seven year itch…

Some women have had success with hormone therapy and have lit the sheets on fire once again, but am I on to something when I say that human beings just aren’t meant to be monogamous?

Signing off, Miss Kitty!

Hello again, this is Christina writing!  With this note I like to say a big “Thank You” to Kitty for sharing her ‘dilema’with us! Here is my thought: Isn’t it sad that sex in a long term relationship is the (extra-ordinary)  exception and not the norm?  Having sex should be like ageing: The older we get the better we become!? Just a thought…