ROLLER DERBY ANYBODY?

The message on my phone read:

“Hey crazy ladies, who wants to roller derby? Just saw an mssg. that they are looking for newbies and having an open house tonight. Just think about the outfits.”

The last sentence was all I needed to know to sell this outing to me.

As far as I remember, Teutons don’t do roller derby- we watch that spectacle on TV, if at all. Mind you, the last time I checked was 25 year ago, a thing or two might have changed since then.

Our Ridge crew left with high expectations for the introduction night ahead. Our husbands had even higher ones. They already pictured themselves, beer can in hand, cheering on sweaty, gorgeous, fighting women (their wives)! Nothing better than a good derby fight on rollerblades to put the man in a good mood!

We wanted to see busty Amazon women in fancy, shiny, flimsy outfit! We wanted a fantasy come true, – the one where normal women escape motherhood and turn into sexy, rolling vixen! We expected ‘butch’, we experienced a heartfelt welcome.

Round and round we went on our borrowed equipment- the last time I stood on these babies was 37 years ago- nowadays I skate on inliners. Yes, I go with the times.

At the end of the evening we chickened out- and not because we got dizzy going around or got bored rolling around in circles. We watched the scrimmage and knew straight away, this is not for us. The team was pushing, falling, overtaking each other, taking the corners on squeaky wheels. They sure looked competent, forceful and seemed to have fun. The girls knew what they were doing, they already put in long hours of practice!

All of us decided we don’t want to get hurt, therefore we are out of the picture! We are wimps, with a capital W. We see ourselves as head of our family- any broken bones on our body and this whole, fine oiled institution called family will stop functioning- or so we think.

In our own world we are tough, macho mothers, protecting castle, kids and dogs. If you make us roll around on these devices our facade will crumble. We are vulnerable, no thank you. We prefer to keep the illusion alive. And yes, call us sissies!

We decided to find a good old-fashioned roller disco somewhere around here, with disco ball and funky tunes. Here we will go around in circles again, but without the fear of getting slammed against the wall!