ABOUT HAVING SEX vs. HAVING A REMOTE CONTROL

I never thought you hear me say this, but last Saturday these words came out of my mouth: “Honey, the kids are gone!”

It doesn’t happen very often that we have a few thousand square feet to ourselves. Apart from the space, we also had quiet and peace. We don’t use these two words often when we describe our family life!

Our first impulse was: “Let’s have sex on the kitchen table!” Our second thought was somewhat different: “It is so quiet now, let’s do our tax return!” Life can be tough – especially when you have to make a decision like this.  What shall it be, uncontrolled, sweaty sex with flying pots and pans, or filling in our returns?  You tell me, what would you have done?

In moments of indecisiveness we fall back on a tried and tested remedy, we turned on the tv. We had about two hours of undisturbed tv time ahead of us. That was enough to watch three, back -to-back episode of our current addiction ’24’- or so we thought!

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If you are young and wild and free you will most definately call us ‘boring old farts’. Ok, I can live with that. If, on the other hand, you are with your same Valentine for over 20 years and you know about bringing up children, you might nod your head in agreement!.

We planted our butts on the couches – we didn’t want to get up for at least 90 minutes! Yes, you heard me right, there is nothing better than uninterrupted tv time!  The tax man needs to wait, we can have sex another time, but not now! Let’s watch our show!

A mere 10 minutes into the story our Korean son stormed in, hungry from his afternoon on the ski slopes. That wasn’t good timing for us, because special agent Jack Bauer (the hero of 24) was on the brink to save L.A. from a nuclear bomb. Unfortunately, there is a switch in my brain which turns on whenever one of my children needs me. As the ever so compliant mother I pushed pause on the remote control and cooked dinner.

Dinner had to be quick because we couldn’t wait  to find out how Jack solved the next crisis.  We pushed start again to resume our show. Another 15 minutes later our teenager called to book his ride home via mom’s taxi service. What did I do? I pushed pause again. Not immediately I must confess, only after Jack was captured by the bad guys.

Before I even left the house, our junior called to let us know he wanted to come back home instead of staying with his friend for the planned sleep-over.

What can I say, this pause button is fantastic! While I was gone, our middle son came home from night skiing! Here we have it, we went from ‘quality tv time’ to being the pick-up service in less than one hour. Our status from ‘quiet and peaceful’ ‘changed to frantic and busy’ in less than 90 minutes!

And the morale of this story is…In the absense of children, think twice before you get all psyched up and excited about having sex. Watch tv instead, it makes more sense!  If you know for sure the coast is clear, by all means, go ahead and have sex – but only then!

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The buttons on your remote control allow you to stop, pause and re-start the action– at any time you want! Needless to say, this cannot be said about the alternative- and no, I am not talking about the tax return. Believe me; I have a story or two to tell about the interrupted, thus unfulfilled, enjoyments of the loin!.

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